“Much of the pain in life
comes from having a plan
that you’ve fallen in love with,
but that doesn’t work out.
Having to find a new
life plan hurts.
The trick is not to become
too attached to any particular
life plan and to remember
that there is always a better,
even-happier
life plan out there somewhere."
-Instant Happy
Karen Salmansohn
I found the above quote from one of the blogs I'm following, Sarah Sitting Down, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I have never been much of a planner myself, but the one thing I've always had in the back of my mind is my goal to move to the U.S. and live there happily ever after. I've been lucky enough to succeed with this goal twice, but each time had to return to Finland due to Immigration restrictions. And yup, I've exhausted this subject on this blog already, so I'm not going to do that again today......
...however, this Plan A of mine does cause me a lot of pain. A lot. As it is not a plan or a goal I can realistically thinking make happen just by sheer determination or by my own actions - unless of course I make the decision to move to the States illegally, which I am thinking of more and more these days - it is this dark cloud always following me around....wondering whether I'll ever to make it real....or whether I'll find myself bitter and sad at 75, still taking part in the green card lottery with no concrete ways to realize the dream by my own actions.
And so, I am thinking, why is it so difficult for me to let go of this plan/dream ? Why can't I find something else to replace it, something similarly motivating that would give my life meaning and direction ?
I think a big reason is the fact that I have nothing going on for myself here in Finland. I have no family, no relationship, I don't date, I have 2-3 friends that I'm in touch with but rarely meet face to face. Now that I am not working, my social connections are even smaller. Alas, NOW would be the time to come up with something exciting, something motivating, to replace my USA-dream......
Last night I spoke briefly with a friend of mine whom I know from my short working experience as a travel guide in 2011. She was asking whether I have tried finding out if I could return to being a guide......I told her no, not recently; I did do that last summer but the employer never responded so I figured they don't want me back. I started thinking though whether I should do this again now......I mean, like I've said before, I did enjoy working as a guide, it was just the circumstances with my then location that made me bolt and jump fence without much thinking - and I have regretted leaving so abruptly. Could this be my plan B, providing they would want to talk with me if I contacted them ?
My other options at the moment are either finding a temporary job here in Finland that would give me time to process my thoughts and plan a little bit more while earning money to pay my rent.....or just accepting a job as a nanny/housekeeper that might take me to the U.S. (illegally) --- if I'd get deported at some point, well...that would be a certain way to kill the whole U.S. dream so maybe I would be doing myself an actual favor, eh !?
...however, this Plan A of mine does cause me a lot of pain. A lot. As it is not a plan or a goal I can realistically thinking make happen just by sheer determination or by my own actions - unless of course I make the decision to move to the States illegally, which I am thinking of more and more these days - it is this dark cloud always following me around....wondering whether I'll ever to make it real....or whether I'll find myself bitter and sad at 75, still taking part in the green card lottery with no concrete ways to realize the dream by my own actions.
And so, I am thinking, why is it so difficult for me to let go of this plan/dream ? Why can't I find something else to replace it, something similarly motivating that would give my life meaning and direction ?
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Last night I spoke briefly with a friend of mine whom I know from my short working experience as a travel guide in 2011. She was asking whether I have tried finding out if I could return to being a guide......I told her no, not recently; I did do that last summer but the employer never responded so I figured they don't want me back. I started thinking though whether I should do this again now......I mean, like I've said before, I did enjoy working as a guide, it was just the circumstances with my then location that made me bolt and jump fence without much thinking - and I have regretted leaving so abruptly. Could this be my plan B, providing they would want to talk with me if I contacted them ?
My other options at the moment are either finding a temporary job here in Finland that would give me time to process my thoughts and plan a little bit more while earning money to pay my rent.....or just accepting a job as a nanny/housekeeper that might take me to the U.S. (illegally) --- if I'd get deported at some point, well...that would be a certain way to kill the whole U.S. dream so maybe I would be doing myself an actual favor, eh !?
Heips,
ReplyDeleteSillon kun mä halusin palata takasin opastelemaan niin en myöskään saanut vastausta mun meiliin ikinä. Soitin perään ja olivat sitä mieltä, että eivät koskaan olleet saaneet mun meiliä.. myöhemmin sen sitten kuitenkin ilmeisesti löysivät ja oli kuulemma hukkunut sähköpostitulvaan :) Kiireistä porukkaa nämä Kotolaiset nääs.. Anyhooow. Soitto perään auttoi ja paluu autuaaseen opaselämään onnistui :)...Eli ei muuta kuin härkää sarvista ja puhelimet pirisemään. Ei jää ainakaan yhteydenotto huomiotta ;)...
Moips -- kiitos vinkistä :) Kävi itselläni sama mielessä silloin viime kesänä kun sinne meilasin, mutta sitten jätin asian "kohtalon vietäväksi" ja mitään ei tapahtunut... Nyt päätinkin, että jos ja kun otan sinne yhteyttä, niin heti puhelimella :)
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