Quite honestly, I haven't felt this weak and lonely in a long, long time....but I can already feel the Holiday Blues fading away now as it's back to work shortly - yay !
I also have to say that no matter how difficult these past few days may have been for me (partly because I freely let myself dwell in self-pity and sadness, duh...), something good always comes out of this kind of gut-wrenching reflection. You learn who your true friends are (or whether you have any), and you have to face your own shit, emotionally speaking. I think I've come to terms now with what I actually do and do not have in my life here in Finland....and what my options are for the future within the limits of what I can change myself.
At the end of the day, it is all very simple. I will give myself one year to improve my life here in this country of mine....after all, there are no quick fixes....and if in December 2013 I haven't managed to change my life in ways that would bring me love, friendships and that feeling of belonging, connection to this place and these people.....I will set sails again and head to the U.S. legally or illegally by the beginning of 2014. One way or another. Shh, don't tell the immigration, okay ?
But first, lets live through 2013 and see what a fabulous year it is going to be !