I can't believe it myself - but I guess this shows that no matter how desperately I want to leave Finland, I have learned something about consequences. This opportunity looked and sounded perfect in theory, but unfortunately there were some major risks involved -- such as facing serious trouble at the immigration on arrival, even possible immediate return to Finland...plus my own personal nightmare, which would be to return to Finland, either right away or even after one year, completely against my own desire...and having to start again here with nothing, from zero. I would obviously have to give away my apartment, and as I don't have any money for storage and such, I would have to also sell and/or give away all my worldly possessions. I really do not care at all about material possessions and would gladly give away the clothes off my back for a life in Australia - but not if there's even a 2% danger that my move would be temporary and I'd find myself back in Helsinki, sooner or later, without a place to go.
It's ironic in a way; I'm so independent and ready to go, and I hardly ever miss having relatives or family members present in my every day life -- but in instances like this, when it would be so much easier to leave if I'd know I would have a safety net to return to...the fact is I have none, and so, this time I am not prepared or emotionally strong enough to do the whole "buy one fork per month" home making again should I've had to return to Finland after getting settled in Australia. And still...Australia, goddamit ! The Universe sure has a sick sense of humor, I'll tell ya that.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up on my dream to leave Finland, oh no ! I've just come to realize that even if I am in theory ready and willing to work as a nanny or a housekeeper, it would have to be in a country where I can legally remain for years -- and thus, find "real" work after a while, or straight away when crossing that border. I have no idea why my urge is to live in countries where the immigration is so tough: USA, Australia, New Zealand, Canada.
I also am/was interested in working and living in Switzerland...but guess what ? They have now imposed major limits for workers coming from European countries as well -- just a couple of months ago ! Unbelievable.
Having said all this, I have sent several job applications out this week again, and the majority of them abroad. I can't give up, I won't give up, it's who I am. These boots are made for walking.
I am, however, leaving Planet Zella today. I feel this blog has seen and heard enough about my sometimes aimless wanderlust and failed attempts to go here and there...and in my current life there just aren't enough exciting or interesting things going on to write about. I don't enjoy this so called ordinary life, so my blog posts are likely to get more and more bitter if I indeed end up staying in Finland. Also, some time away from blogging might bring about new ideas to write about. I do enjoy writing and think that I will return to blogging one way or another, sooner or later. I will, in that case, come and link my new blog address here on PZ for those who might still want to read my ramblings.
I am so grateful to everyone who has ever found their way to these pages - thank you so much ! I wish you all well, and even though I'm not blogging myself anymore, I will keep on logging in and reading all the tens and tens of amazing blogs I follow.
Over and out with love always Z